October is Pregnancy and infant loss month

**Trigger Warning talk of miscarriage and infant loss**


Pregnancy and infant loss is not something that is talked about often and judging from the comments that Christy Teigen received when she announced her loss, we as a society should probably talk about it more. 
 
It is a loss that is indescribable and difficult to understand. As someone who has had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, I had no idea how to feel. I blamed myself, I blamed God, I blamed the world. I told no one except people I felt should know because I was ashamed—my body could not do the one thing that it was designed to do. The people I did tell had nothing comforting to say or I was either met with silence. Each loss was harder and harder. I never allowed myself to get “excited” about my sweet rainbow babies until I had them in my arms. 
 
As a birth doula, I have sat with many mothers who had to leave the hospital without their babies and go home to empty decorated nurseries. I found myself being the only source of comfort when their family didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I do not always have the answers as I didn’t even have them for myself, but it is nice to know that you are supported and comforted and know that your love ones still love you. 
 
1 in 4 mothers experience a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or an infant death. We need to talk about this more. We need to figure out how to support parents through this without forcing them to deal with it in silence.  We as a society need to figure out how to let mothers know that their feelings are valid, and that they are scene, that their babies lived, and that their babies are loved. We need to allow them the space to grieve in the way that they feel necessary to bring about healing.
 
Talking it through with trusted family or a therapist, sharing your grief at a grief circle, or pumping breast milk and donate as legacy to your sweet angel. No matter how you choose to process your loss, it is the right choice for you. Your baby lived, and your baby is loved.
 
If you would love to share your story, I would love to hear about it and together we can process this as a community.